The Joy of a Baby

Every day is different with a baby, no day is the same. If you want to get into a routine, you might as well give up now. Sam is so much fun every day. I've learned that days when she is fussy and I wish she slept more aren't much different from the days that Sam sleeps all day because I sit up worrying if she is sleeping too much. With Motherhood, there isn't much "restful" days but somehow you find it in you to keep going and you don't keep going with anger, you are still happy when you are running on empty. I am happy to wake up at three a.m. to feed Sam. I'll take any excuse to get up and hold her. When you're pregnant you don't think about the "after" pregnancy stuff, like feedings, diapers, crawling, walking, talking, and all that fun stuff. It may be hard at times but it is so worth it. Having Sam has brought Scott and I closer together. We seem to have a lot of respect for each other. Him for me in the fact that I am the Mother of his child and am taking care of her, while I have Respect for him for what a good Father he is and how hard he works for our family. Now a second child? Prob not for a few years. I'm not a good pregnant woman, I would like to enjoy my time with Sam and hopefully get to work from home while doing so. Time does go by fast, the first month felt like a week, so we will see how fast the next 18 years go by.

My Best Friend, My Sister

When I was growing up, Kelli was always my "defender". I rarely remember fighting with her. We shared a room growing up (which I did not mind). I remember after I wet the bed (ha!) Kelli was always willing to take me into hers (after I changed of course). If I was sad Kelli was always there to comfort me, and share her knowledge with me. I remember she would let me hang out with her and her "cool" friends, rarely did she make me feel like the annoying little sister. I remember when Kelli went off to college I sobbed and sobbed in my bed because no longer did I have my roommate with me, and NO I was not excited to have my own room, I would have much rather her stay there with me. I learned a lot from my Sister, from all her blissful moments to her tragedies. There's something about having a sister to share all your hard times with, and something about that special bond you will forever have. Yes, we have had our screaming moments where we don't exactly see eye to eye but the moments of closeness are worth it. Our family has always known that Kelli is a strong women, and stands up for what she believes in, supports her family through thick and thin, Loyalty is tattooed on her heart. I have called her sobbing several times, and she always knows the exact right thing to say. She will drop anything for her family. One time I even called her while she was in Ft. Collins from my bed at my Parent's house because I was scared of something outside and couldn't get the guts to get up and go up to Dad and Mom's room. She calmed me down and I finally got the courage to run (quickly) up there. She has a calming effect. Kelli, you have been put through a lot, and yet you still have that big grin on your face, which gives me faith in myself to see your strength. God knows your are strong, and so do we all. I believe in you and think that you are an amazing wife and mother. Thank you for giving me strength and a shoulder to cry on for 21 years. I am so lucky to have such a strong and loyal sister. Muah! You're beautiful and so much fun!

Emotions

I can't begin to explain the emotions you go through as a post pregnant woman with a newborn. Only the millions of women who do it can relate. Last night I was at my end, I was brought to my knees I guess. For the past month, I've been trying to numb my brain and convince myself that there is some way that this can be made easy. Yes, think again Jenny Campbell... This will never be easy, parenting let alone having a newborn will NEVER be made easy. Yes, there are good moments but there will always be bad. I guess it's left up to me to realize that the bad moments will pass and everyone has them. Babies cry and sometimes that's just what they need to do. There will be some days where you won't sleep and you're baby won't sleep either. Than there will be others where you feel like things should be harder. Scott's long hours are almost coming to an end, and I'm praying for instant relief when I get to see him more and get his help. Last night I called him crying and he came home and told me that I'm the best wife and mother and that they love me. Sometimes the simple things can make your terrible night turn for the better. I wake up this morning and Scott says I promise things will get better, and you're doing a great job. I guess the encouragement goes a long way. I call my sister crying my eyes out, and yet again more encouragement... Family is a treasure and I am so very thankful for mine.

Unbelievable

Laying with little Samantha Rose every morning is such a blessing. She usually awakes around 4:45 or 5 to have some early morning breakfast, and than after I turn on the TV, lay our little Rosebud on my chest and lay down for a little while than after she falls asleep again I lay her next to me. I never knew that just simply laying next to this little body of life could be so rewarding. The other day I was thinking about how my love for Sam is very intimidating to me. I never thought it would be possible to love someone so much and honestly it scares me a little bit. Wow, I didn't know I was capable of this. I'm adjusting, and I value Sam and I's time together. Listening to her little breath or getting a "wif" of her soft milky breath makes me smiles. Watching Scott grow as a father has been a pretty remarkable journey as well. To watch his eyes light up when he walks in the door or to listen to him talk to her has made me realize what an excellent choice I have made! I think having little Rose has brought Scott and I closer together as well. After delivering Sam, Scott told me how proud he was of me, and how he was in aw of of my natural ability of being a mother. When he said this to me, I really didn't know how to respond. Probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Scott has been a great father and has been an incredible husband through all this. How lucky we both are.