Up, Down, Spin Around

Why must we go through so many ups and downs? One day, you feel happy and energetic... the next you're irritable and tired. For me, it feels like I go from one extreme to the next... REALLY happy or REALLY down. There aren't a lot of middle of the road moments for me. Some mornings I wake up, and just feel like crying and I have NO IDEA why?!? Now, I'm not saying this so you ask, "Oh, poor Jenny, what's wrong?" No, I'm saying this because I know other people go through this same emotional roller coaster as well.

Today, I was at a Implant class. For whatever reason, I was really excited. My hands were shaking and I couldn't keep them still. My heart was racing, and I felt that I needed to take a good deep breath. Ever since Sam was born, I've started to have random panic attacks, so I think this is what it was related to. I think the new responsibility of a child hits some people like a truck and others slide right into it. I've been able to identify when one is approaching and to help keep it under control.

My main question is, Why does this happen? Why are our nervous systems such touchy things? Why are some people more sensitive than others to this. I get anxious when things aren't routine or thought out well. If I leave the house with Sam and she is not wearing any shoes and I have to put them on before going into the Grocery store - it freaks me out. I have a plan and I don't want anything to interrupt it. My brain can only handle so much - I'm wired that way. If I ever have to make a stop to do something that is inconvenient for me on the way to do something else... I get anxious.

If you go to a doctor (which I have) they tell you that you need to be on medications... Medications that make you shake more or make your head feel like there are small fireworks going off every couple of minutes. Medications that if you stop cold turkey - your body starts to go into shock?? So, what's the solution? Do we grow out of it? Do you learn to cope, and it becomes the norm for you? Being the routine person that I am - I want someone to say, "Jenny, here's what you need to do, and here's how you need to do it, and your problems will be solved. " Sadly - that is not how the world works.

My best idea is to keep a journal of when I'm happy - What did I do that day? What did I eat that day? How much caffeine did I have today? WHAT TIME OF THE MONTH IS IT? Some patients of mine come in, and I can't help but wonder... How do you work a normal job? How one earth to you make it through life? So socially handicap and hard to communicate with. I feel sorry for them but at the same time, I envy them for being oblivious to the fact that people are uncomfortable with the social behavior. I wish I didn't think five times over about what I'm about to do, what I'm doing, and what I did. I can't tell you how many times I've been driving home and been thinking about something I've said over and over again and repeating it out loud to see if it's offensive or could get me in trouble some way, some how.

Why can't there be direct answers to everything??