Miserable Lunch Date

Today - we had to privilege of going out to lunch.... or not. Sam is at a VERY hard age. We go to sit down, and I am already expecting this to be nothing less than stressful. The nice lady asks, "Do you want a booster seat?" Sure! Even though I am very aware that the amount of time Sam will spend in this chair is minimal. Yup - I guessed it - Sam was saying "out, out, out, out" Fine... we let her out and let her jump around outside of out booth. I'm to the point where, whatever - as long as she is not screaming... I'm ok with this. Scott was cranky for the get go - and lost his temper (which normally it's me whom does so..). Scott's yelling at Sam, than I stop him and calmly explain that it isn't helping... OH BROTHER! Did I make a HUGE mistake in doing so. I guess Scott wasn't in the mood to be corrected :). Later on down misery lunch lane.... Scott apologizes to Sam.... and that's it... Hmmmm, men are interesting people aren't they??? I'm sitting there like, "HELLO!!!!! Your wife is sitting here awaiting your apology for acting like a goon!" Lesson learned for the day??? DO NOT GO OUT IN PUBLIC - AT ALL with a 22 month old.... Not worth the fighting with her, not worth the fighting with your spouse, and not worth the 20 bucks you are spending on lunch. Our eating out days are coming to an end soon anyway cause Scott will be returning to School, and we will be poor folk... maybe it's the Lord telling us we need to wait till Sam is old enough to behave. The icing on the cake you ask??? Well, Scott and I got in the car before coming to lunch and guess what?!?! Yup - my car wasn't starting ( probably why Scott wasn't thrilled at lunch)... Luckily, I have a husband who is very efficient with getting things taken care of and is fixing my car as we speak! Another good thing about Scott is he is quick to apologized when asked to do so, and quick to snap back into a decent mood. He has every right to be cranky sometimes... Trust me my cranky times are much more common than his. So - for the rest of the day, we will stay inside while Crankpot Sam naps and tromps around our home. We were invited to a birthday party - but I think I'm going to wave my white flag and save everyone at the party some grief - and keep my monster home for the evening! Plus - my car probably won't be drivable by then! Thanks for Listening!

Up, Down, Spin Around

Why must we go through so many ups and downs? One day, you feel happy and energetic... the next you're irritable and tired. For me, it feels like I go from one extreme to the next... REALLY happy or REALLY down. There aren't a lot of middle of the road moments for me. Some mornings I wake up, and just feel like crying and I have NO IDEA why?!? Now, I'm not saying this so you ask, "Oh, poor Jenny, what's wrong?" No, I'm saying this because I know other people go through this same emotional roller coaster as well.

Today, I was at a Implant class. For whatever reason, I was really excited. My hands were shaking and I couldn't keep them still. My heart was racing, and I felt that I needed to take a good deep breath. Ever since Sam was born, I've started to have random panic attacks, so I think this is what it was related to. I think the new responsibility of a child hits some people like a truck and others slide right into it. I've been able to identify when one is approaching and to help keep it under control.

My main question is, Why does this happen? Why are our nervous systems such touchy things? Why are some people more sensitive than others to this. I get anxious when things aren't routine or thought out well. If I leave the house with Sam and she is not wearing any shoes and I have to put them on before going into the Grocery store - it freaks me out. I have a plan and I don't want anything to interrupt it. My brain can only handle so much - I'm wired that way. If I ever have to make a stop to do something that is inconvenient for me on the way to do something else... I get anxious.

If you go to a doctor (which I have) they tell you that you need to be on medications... Medications that make you shake more or make your head feel like there are small fireworks going off every couple of minutes. Medications that if you stop cold turkey - your body starts to go into shock?? So, what's the solution? Do we grow out of it? Do you learn to cope, and it becomes the norm for you? Being the routine person that I am - I want someone to say, "Jenny, here's what you need to do, and here's how you need to do it, and your problems will be solved. " Sadly - that is not how the world works.

My best idea is to keep a journal of when I'm happy - What did I do that day? What did I eat that day? How much caffeine did I have today? WHAT TIME OF THE MONTH IS IT? Some patients of mine come in, and I can't help but wonder... How do you work a normal job? How one earth to you make it through life? So socially handicap and hard to communicate with. I feel sorry for them but at the same time, I envy them for being oblivious to the fact that people are uncomfortable with the social behavior. I wish I didn't think five times over about what I'm about to do, what I'm doing, and what I did. I can't tell you how many times I've been driving home and been thinking about something I've said over and over again and repeating it out loud to see if it's offensive or could get me in trouble some way, some how.

Why can't there be direct answers to everything??

Sweet Getaway in FlipFlops

Oh, how round I look in this picture... But, Sam looks cute so I guess it will make the blog! This was from Fourth of July weekend when I had asked Scott to pack my running shoes... Am I wearing running shoes in this picture? No :) Scott forgot and grabbed Sam an extra Water Cup instead. On the way down from the hike, Scott said he was fearing for his life at some points - as I slipped and skidded down the rocks in my Old Navy Flip Flops! It will be a fun story to tell, and I had a good laugh about it on the way home. I've learned that you never ask your husband to pack something very important :0) That would be my job!

This Summer has been enjoyable - yet stressful. Scott's job isn't ideal. His hours are cruddy and we don't see much of him when a co-worker takes two weeks vacation. Sam and I try to stay busy but there are only so many hours I can stand sitting at the Tinkerbelle table looking like Billy Madison did when he is drawing the blue duck in the First Grade, and coloring with Crayons. Sam gets creative and moves on to the couch and walls while I'm not looking... So I guess that spices my days up a bit! I have been working a lot. I love my new job, but I've discovered that no matter how much I love my job... I still really want to be a stay at home mom who has the option of working part time but doesn't have to. Scott is considering going back to school in the Spring, so maybe there is a light at the end of the working mom tunnel?? Maybe a couple more years of work and than I can hang up my dental assistant lab jacket?? We will see. Right now, that feels really far away.

Getting sleepy eyed, and have work tomorrow!